The Play
by Allendra
Summary: The forces of Xiaolin and Heylin combine for this performance! This is the actual performace, not the making of it Contains a throne-stealing Prince Jack, the rightful heir Raimundo, the lovely Lady Kimiko, and many more! Rai/Kim
1. Chapter 1

**Well, we read this play for Drama Class in High School, and I fell in love with it. It is rated K plus, and will contain very mild violence, some suggestive humor, and a scene of Clay Bashing (hate to disappoint anyone XD ). **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown, nor do I own this play, which was titled something along the lines of The Worst Play in the World. Most of the dialogue does not belong to me. However, I did put these two together and edited the dialogue, and turned it into story format, so I do own something!! **

**CH. 1**

In the Xiaolin Theater, the monks and evil doers were about to put on a performance, each getting ready for the curtain call.

Omi, dressed in wizard robes, stepped on stage. "Ladies and gentlemen, good and evil forces have united to bring you this most entertaining performance! So please enjoy the show."

The curtains opened to show little blonde Megan, in a pink royal dress, holding a baby doll and twirling about the stage. Katnappé, dressed as a queen over her usual attire, followed her.

"Be careful, Megan," Katnappé sighed. "You'll have him dizzy and puking if you don't watch out."

Megan giggled, weaving between elaborate furniture. "I can't help myself, Mother. Every time I look at him, I fell like dancing! Was there ever a more precious child?"

Katnappé said, "There was you, my darling."

"But I was just a girl. A waste of labor. How can you compare me to this! A _boy _child! Heir to the throne, Raimundo!"

"You weren't worth much, but you were cute."

Megan gasped, blue eyes wide. "Oh dear, he's all wet! Should I summon the royal changer?"

Katnappé smiled. "I think it's time you learned how to change a diaper."

"Oh gross!"

Katnappé took the doll and put in on a table. "Hello, my little prince, is you wet? Now the first step is to take the diaper off."

"Like this?"

"Yes, very good. Then we say a little poem: Diaper, diaper, in the sky, how far will this diaper fly?" She threw it off stage.

"_Katnappé!_" Megan growled softly. Then she went back into character. "Mother!" She pointed at the bundle the baby was in. "What is _that_?"

"What?"

"_That_!"

"Silly girl, what does it look like?"

"A birthmark."

"Exactly. A royal birthmark. There's no mistaking our little Raimundo."

"When will Dad come back?"

"I miss him, too."

Megan pouted. "Why did he run off to war, anyway?"

"For honor, and duty. And porcelain."

"Why didn't Uncle Jack go with him?"

"Who knows? I don't trust that man. He lusts for power. Jack places burdens on our people and brutalizes them into obeying. And if I confront him, he brushes me aside."

Megan said, "But you must be able to do something! You are the queen!"

"Alas, I am a powerless queen until your father returns."

"May it be soon."

Katnappé sighed. "I wouldn't count on it. You know how picky your father is when it comes to buying porcelain."

Jermaine, dressed as an attendant, came in and bowed. "Prince Jack wishes an audience with Your Majesty."

Megan gasped. "Don't let him in, Mother."

The Queen nodded. "Tell Prince Jack I am otherwise engaged."

"He says it's urgent," Jermaine said.

"Tell him I am sick. Tell him I have the plague."

'I told him that last time, Your Majesty."

Katnappé crossed her arms. "Very well, tell him I am dead."

Jermaine bowed. "At once Your Majesty." He rushed off.

Jack Spicer entered, dressed like an evil prince. The swords strapped to his waist tripped him and he fell. He jumped back up and struck a pose.

"What seems to be the delay?" Jack asked, going into the Queen's chambers.

Jermaine said, "The queen is dead."

Jack looked to Katnappé, then back. "Dead, you say?"

"Dead."

"She will be missed."

"Verily."

Katnappé stomped her foot. "How dare you enter my chambers without my permission!"

Jack gasped. "A miracle! She lives! I shall declare a day of celebration!"

"I told my attendant to tell you I was dead tired. He simply misunderstood."

Jack looked to Jermaine. "Leave us. I wish to speak to the Queen alone." Jermaine left. Jack looked to the baby. "And how is the heir apparent feeling today?" He reached his hand out.

Katnappé jumped in front of him. "He is sleeping. State your business, Jack."

"So be it," Jack sighed. "I wish I had good news, but word reached me not an hour ago that our great and noble king, your husband and father, has fallen on hard times."

Katnappé and Megan gasped.

Jack broke into an evil smile. "Very hard times." He nearly laughed, then covered it by pretending to cry. "Oh, ye gods!" He shook his fist at the sky. "Take me heart, my soul, my bronze bongos even . . .but not my king!"

Megan slowly sat by the queen. "What are you saying, Uncle Jack? Are you saying . . ."

Jack nodded. "Yep."

Katnappé looked up. "Dead? The kind is dead?"

"As good as dead," Jack said. "He's been captured by the enemy."

"Captured!" Megan shuddered.

Jack nodded. "In a porcelain shop. He never had a chance."

Megan began crying. "Oh Mother, he is doomed! Doomed!"

Jack giggled and did a little dance step.

"Hush child, he's alive." Katnappé assured. "And where there is life, there is hope."

Jack laughed. "Oh, that's a good one."

Katnappé looked up at him. "They are no doubt holding him for ransom."

Jack nodded. "The filthy slimes say they'll release him if we come up with twenty thousand gold coins, eleven milk cows, and a thousand feet of beachfront property, undeveloped."

Katnappé brightened. "I assume you have set about collecting the ransom?"

Jack sighed. "I wish I could, but it violates the wishes of the king. How many times have I heard him say it? 'Not a penny for ransom'!"

Katnappé frowned. "Not _ransom, transoms! _Transoms, like windows above doors. You know how much he hates those."

Jack shrugged. "Transoms, ransoms, what's the difference? If we give into the enemy this time, there'll be no end to it."

"You would let him die, then?"

"You can't put a price tag on honor. If I were in his place, I'd expect him to do the same."

"That's easy for you to say!" Megan spat.

Jack grinned. "You bet it is."

Katnappé shouted, "I won't let you get away with this!"

"Get away with what? I assure you what I do is for the good of our people."

"Indeed." Katnappé crossed her arms. "I believe you want to be king."

"Honest, I don't want to be king. If I'm lying, may a lightning bolt strike me where I stand." He stepped aside as a cardboard lightning bolt fell to the floor where he had been. He turned to the queen. "Why would I want to be king? Besides, how could I? Little Raimundo's heir to the throne. I couldn't possibly be king unless something horrible happened to him. An accident . . .perhaps."

Katnappé passed Raimundo to Megan. "I'll go to the Council of Lords."

"I've fired the Council."

"Then I shall appeal to the Order of Knights."

"They've all gone to the Crusades."

"I'll appeal to the Archbishop."

"He's on vacation."

"Then I shall take my case to the people!"

"They're in prison."

Katnappé was stunned. "In prison? All of them?"

Jack nodded.

"Charged with what?"

He grinned. "Littering. I'm determined to put a stop to it!"

Megan looked at Jack. "Uncle Jack, I beg you. Please save my father. For once do something good. Please!"

He shrugged. "I'll think about it."

"Thank you."

"I thought about it. No deal."

"You're horrible!" Katnappé shouted.

"Look, you're a little upset," Jack said. 'Why don't you let me send Omi over here. He can fix you up a potion and read your palms."

"You keep that evil sorcerer away from us!"

Jack sighed. "Well, if you don't want Omi, how about the Court Jester? Let me send Dojo over."

"You keep your vermin out of my chambers!"

He sighed. "Well, I gotta go. Duty calls." He crossed to the baby prince, putting his hand over Raimundo's face. "Don't play in the street, kid." Jack screamed and jumped back. "He bit me!"

Megan sighed. "Oh, dear. Now we'll have to wash his mouth out."

Jack walked off stage.

"Viper!" Katnappé shouted.

Megan turned to the queen with wide blue eyes. "I'm afraid, Mother. You don't think he would do anything to Raimundo do you?"

Katnappé sighed. "This I do know: When Jack was a baby they put a sign on his crib that said 'Cave Canem', a Latin phrase meaning 'Beware of Dog.' The dog has grown into a wolf. Now come, we must make preparations." They left offstage as the lights faded.

**Please review! XD **


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm glad you guys like this! **

**MooseTracks2020: **Transoms are windows above doors (I think it says so in the chapter). I'm glad you like it! Your next question is: Are you very self-centered (like Omi)? Thanks for the review!!

**AandFObsessed: **Hi! Glad you're back. Um . . .I'm not sure what the last question I asked you was. I believe it was are you organized or disorganized? Thanks for the review!

**Dragon of spirits: **Haha, I love your rant! XD Thanks for reviewing!

**Dragon of magic: **Um . . .I'm not sure, I'll have to check. I don't own the script, so I can't look. )8 Thanks for your review!

**And thanks to kutiekake12, raikim19-4-ever, and Hannah_luvs_horsez (hope I spelled that right!) for your reviews!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own XS or the play this is based off of**

**CH. 2**

The lights turned back on to reveal a magic shop crowded with trinkets. Omi, dressed in dark colored wizard robes, came in.

He crossed his arms. "There must be a way. Come on, Dojo!"

Dojo slithered on, wearing a polka-dotted hat. "Omi, bud, that was beautiful!"

"You really think so?"

Dojo nodded. "And so realistic! I really thought you were sawing that man in half."

Omi frowned. "I was. I just cannot figure out how to put him back together. This is most stressful." He sighed, then said conversationally, "What is it like to be the king's jester?"

"It's good, it's good. I use to do shows, and if they didn't like me, they'd just stone me . . .but this rocks."

Omi shook his head. "Lucky for you, Jack has an idiotic sense of humor."

Dojo nodded. "Yep! . . .Hey!" The dragon held his stomach. "You got anything for a sore tummy?"

The wizard took a jar off a nearby table. "This should work." He took two pills from it and dropped them in a jar of water. They began to fizz.

Dojo's eyes widened. "Neat. I haven't seen that many bubbles in one place since Root Beer was invented." He drank it. "Not bad. What's in it?"

"A wonder drug. I call it arsenic."

The dragon gasped and began spitting. "Are you trying to kill me?!"

"Will you not finish it?" Omi laughed.

Dojo sat the glass on the table. "No thanks. I'm trying to cut back on arsenic. The doctor says it gives me the chicken pox. But they don't show up on my scales. But seriously, have you come up with any schemes to get rid of that pain in Jack's neck?"

"You mean Raimundo?"

Dojo grinned. "You catch on quicker than a leech at the beach, Omi."

"I have a few things up my arm," he nodded.

"Sleeve."

"Up my sleeve. Jack will be here soon, as a matter of fact. If things work out, Dojo, you and I shall live in the castle. How does that take hold of you?"

"A long-term contract with all the frills. How do you think it grabs me?"

Wuya walked in, seeming bored and depressed. "Got a minute, boss?"

"What is it, Wuya?" Omi asked.

"You got a customer. Says she wants a magic potion."

"I am expecting the prince. I cannot possibly see her now."

"Okay, I'll tell her to take her money bags stuffed with gold somewhere else."

Omi looked up. "On a second thought . . .I can squeeze her in."

Wuya walked out, followed by Dojo.

Katnappé came in wearing glasses with a fake nose and mustache. "Thank you for seeing me."

"What can I do for you?" Omi asked.

"I need a potion that will protect a child from treachery and insurrection."

Omi crossed to a table. "I have just what you need: a Commotion Potion. It will protect him from an all manner of treacheries."

"How much does it cost?"

The small wizard crossed his arms. "How much do you have?"

"One thousand gold coins."

Omi grinned. "You are in luck." He handed her the potion.

"How long does it last?" Katnappé asked.

"Twenty-four hours tops." Then he frowned. "You look vaguely familiar. Have we met?"

"No, I'm just passing through." She walked to look at other potions.

Jack strutted in, and then leaned close to Omi, "Have you come up with a plan to get rid of Raimundo?"

Omi gestured toward Katnappé, who was pretending to shop. "We have company, Your Majesty."

Jack lowered his voice. "Well, have you?"

"I have got a plan that is fool proof. Within twenty-four hours you will be king."

"Yummy, let me hear it."

Omi leaned close to the prince and whispered, "Buzz, buzz, buzz . . .buzz, buzz, _buzz, buzz._"

Katnappé slowly edged up to listen.

Jack frowned. "Buzz?"

Omi nodded. "Buzz, buzz."

"Buzz, buzz?"

"Buzz."

They both laughed.

Katnappé gasped. "No! You wouldn't! You couldn't!"

"Couldn't what?" Omi frowned.

Katnappé picked up a nearby bottle. "Three-fifty for a wing of bat?"

"That is a designer bat."

She grinned. "Uh, sorry for the interruption."

Omi leaned back to Jack. "And the beauty of it is . . .buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz."

Jack grinned. "Buzz, buzz, buzz?"

"Buzz."

Katnappé gasped, horrified. "Horrors! Chaos! Rage of angels!"

Omi placed his hands on his hips. "Look, if you want a bargain there is a Sir Kay Mart across the street. Perhaps you should be shopping there."

"Perhaps I should. I think I've heard enough!" She headed to the door.

Jack frowned. "Hey, you. Have we met?"

She turned. "No, I'm sure I would've remembered if we had."

Jack nodded. "Me too. I never forget a mustache."

Then the queen left.

Omi looked up at Jack. "Only one thing can stand in the way of my plan!"

"What?"

"If the child takes Commotion Potion. But this is the only place that sells it, and I won't give any of it to the queen. But do not worry, I just sold my last bottle."

Jack smiled darkly. "Good. Now I must away! There are preparations to make! I'll be expecting you and Dojo in my quarters at six-thirty. Don't be late. We've got a kingdom to steal." He walked off stage.

**Please review and don't forget about your questions! Also, I posted a poll on my profile, please vote on it for me!! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Well, for those of you with me during my Fatal Attraction trilogy, you may recall my mention of an epic-style fanfic that I had an idea for. Now I have an outline and have actually started writing! I'm super excited about it and I think you guys will love it! **

**Dragon of magic: **Thanks so much for looking that up for me! I appreciate it. And thanks for your review!

**Xiaolinwind: **Yes, Omi and Dojo are with Jack. And I have your wu result for my quiz that you took! Your wu is . . .the Wushu Helmet! The helmet deflects anything that hits it. You like? Thanks for reviewing!!

**raikim 19-4-ever: **Yum, that cookie was delicious! XD Thanks for the review!

**aquablade: **I'm glad you like it! Thanks for reviewing!

**MySpaceSavvy: **Yep, my favorite poll choice, too! Thank you, I try to be different on my fanfics. You can find tons in every fic type that have repeats, if you know what I mean. I always pass those over because it just feels like the same old. And I have your wu result for my quiz that you took! Your wu is . . . The Black Beetle! It coats its owner in a heat resistant black body armor, like a beetle's shell; it also turns into a heat resistant boat. You like? Thanks for your review!

**Disclaimer: I don't own XS, or this play which is by William Gleson**

**CH. 3**

The lights faded and returned in the queen's chambers. Katnappé held Raimundo and Megan stood beside her.

Jermaine entered and bowed. "You Highness, three henchmen have come to see you."

"Let them in."

Jermaine walked out, replying, "At once, my lady."

Jack, Omi, and Dojo came in with sports coats on and carrying brief cases.

Jack grinned. "Good evening, Queen Katnappé."

She nodded. "And to you, good sirs."

"Sorry to break in but as we passed through the country we had to stop to offer you the best deal in insurance today!"

"So, you're an insurance salesman," she said.

Jack grinned. "How did you guess?" He turned to Omi and Dojo. "Our disguises have fooled her completely. She's at our mercy." He looked to the queen. "We can offer you a complete insurance package featuring life, health, horse and wagon at a price you won't believe. Twenty-two fifty a month. And your first born son."

"Sorry, not interested," Katnappé said.

Megan looked up at the queen. "That sounds like a pretty good deal, Mom."

Katnappé shook her head. "There's no way I'd give you twenty-two fifty a month."

Omi whispered, "I think she is wise. Let's just get the kid and go."

Jack, Omi, and Dojo pointed their briefcases at Katnappé.

Jack said, "This is a stick-up. Hand over the kid."

"As you wish," she held Raimundo out, "I'm sure you won't mind if I sprinkle a little Commotion Potion on him." She opened the bottle and poured it over the baby.

Jack gasped and held his nose. "Where'd she get the potion?"

"Mail order, probably," Omi said.

Dojo fanned the air. "That stuff is deadly."

Omi nodded. "Juice of skunk."

Katnappé approached Jack. "He's all yours."

Jack screamed. "Keep him away from me!"

"You didn't fool me for a minute, Jack Spicer."

"So the cat's out of the bag. You have foiled us this time, but we'll be back. There's no escape for you and your precious little Raimundo. The potion will soon wear off and when it does . . . Go ahead, run. Run far and wide. And when you hear the baying of my hounds closing on your heels, you will know the meaning of fear. Sleep well this night, sweet prince, for it will probably be your last! Follow me, men!" They left.

Megan looked up. "Are we really going to make a run for it, Mom?"

Katnappé nodded. "We have no other choice. The dark forest is our only hope."

"But what of the dogs? Jack has the most vicious hounds."

"I know. Our only chance is to get a good lead on them. Poodles can't run very fast. Have you packed as I told you?"

"Yes, Mother. Only the bare necessities."

"We must leave at once. Fetch our stuff."

Megan left and came back on the stage with three suitcases, pots and pans hanging around her neck, an ironing board tied to her back, and a rope tied from her waist to a throne.

"Ready," Megan nodded.

They ran offstage and back on into a forest of cardboard trees.

Megan staggered a few steps more. "I can't go on like this, Mother. The burden is too great."

Katnappé walked over to her. "My precious little wimp. No wonder you're tired. You've been carrying everything by yourself." She took a spoon. "Is that better?"

Megan smiled brightly. "Nope." Then she sighed. "It's no use, Mother. They're bound to catch us. It will just be a matter of minutes."

"I won't let Raimundo fall into Jack's clutches. I'd leave him in the forest first. Perhaps the creatures would shelter him. I'll leave Raimundo here, you head south and I'll go north. Perhaps we can confuse the dogs. Let's meet by the old bridge in Downderry. God be with you."

Megan ran off, calling, "Good-bye, Mom! Bye!"

Katnappé laid Raimundo by the base of the tree and tied the rope that was connected to the throne around his neck. She kissed him. "Farewell." Then she raced off.

Chase Young suddenly walked on stage and said, "I, the narrator, shall commence to tell you what happened that night." He cleared his throat and began:

"So, t'was tempest tossed around his head

With not but foliage for a bed

Poor tot abandoned in the night

With naught but moon and stars for light

But twixt the shadows that did fall

Was heard a tiny squirrel's call

A mother squirrel who heard the cry

Of Raimundo and wondered why

A kindly squirrel whose poignancy

Was piqued with curiosity

So on her squirrel's feet she did sneak

To have herself a little peek

And she did find the little speck

With a great big throne tied to his neck

She called the other squirrels and said

"If we leave the kid, he's surely dead."

So in the somber forest light

A pledge was made that very night

And every squirrel did speak as one

They vowed to raise him as a son

Their eyes did shine their tails did twirl

And Raimundo grew up, a squirrel."

**I will be updating this every Sunday, and if you haven't voted on my poll please do!! And please review! **


	4. Chapter 4

**I combined two chapters, so this is long! XD MooseTracks2020 requested some info on my epic fanfic, so here it is: it'll be rated T, it's adventure/romance, Rai/Kim, and is looking like it'll be longer than any other fanfic I've written. I'll reveal the title later! XD **

**Xiaolinwind: **Yep, Omi has squirrel-phobia, lol. XD Thanks for reviewing!

**dragon of magic: **Haha, thanks! And thanks for your review!

**MooseTracks2020: **Nope, I didn't. I'm very excited about my story, I can't wait to start to post it! I'm glad you are too! Um, your last question was are you very self-centered (like Omi)? Thanks for the review!

**HealingSpringWaters: **Thank you! And thanks for reviewing!

**AandFObsessed: **I'm glad you're enjoying it! Well, I have your quiz result! Your wu is . . .the Fountain of Hui! When activated, it provides unlimited knowledge. Do you like? XD Thanks for the review!

**raikim19-4-ever: **Sweet! Cookies everywhere! XD Thanks for your review!

**Disclaimer: I don't own XS or this play**

**CH. 4**

Chase bowed and left. The lights came back on in the forest of cardboard trees, and Raimundo entered wearing baggy brown clothes. The rope tied to his neck was dragging the throne.

Raimundo crossed his arms. "Mama? Mama? Where are you?"

A brown sock popped up from behind a tree. It a had a squirrel face painted on it.

"What is it, son?" she asked.

He looked at her. "I think I got cause to be justifiably upset. I just had the shock of my young life. I'm talking psychological trauma."

Mama smiled. "Calm down, son. Tell Mama what happened."

"Well, I went down to the pond to look for nuts and berries-"

"I told you never to go there."

"That's beside the point. Anyway, I was getting a drink and I saw my reflection, and dude was I shocked! I don't' looked anything like you, Mama. I'm ugly."

Mama sighed and called. "Chester?"

Another squirrel popped up. "What?"

"I think it's time we had a little . . .talk with junior. It's time he learned the truth."

Rai frowned. "The truth?"

"Your father will explain."

Chester moved closer to Raimundo. "What's the matter, son? Having a little girl trouble?"

Mama sighed. "It's not that, Chester."

"Oh. I thought you wanted me to tell him about the birds and the buffalos."

"No. Tell him about his roots. He's old enough to know."

"Junior," Chester said. "I want to talk to you, squirrel to squirrel. You better wait in the den, Mama."

Mama left.

Chester continued, "You see . . .God made little boy squirrels and little girl squirrels. And there's a difference."

Raimundo smiled. "You're telling me. Sometimes I can hardly think of anything else. Especially Trudy."

"And then God made you. But, um, you're not a squirrel. We found you in the forest when you were a baby and raised you as one of us. But you're not, you're a human."

Raimundo's green eyes widened. "You mean one of those big dudes we hide from in squirrel hunting season?"

"The same."

He was quiet. He paused, then said, "Does that mean . . . I can't go steady with Trudy?"

"It would never work out, son."

"But I love her, Dad! I love her more than acorns!"

Chester sighed. "It was destiny that brought you here, and destiny that beckons you now. Your fate doesn't lie in the forest, but in the world of men."

So Raimundo left off stage and the lights faded.

They came back on to reveal Raimundo huddled at the base of a tree and shivering.

"Thanks Mom, thanks Dad," he snapped. "I'm really having a blast out here in the big, bad world. Wish you were here. Oh, I'd love to have a big, juicy acorn right now."

Suddenly, Master Fund walked on in friar robes. He saw Raimundo and stopped abruptly. Rai also saw him and squeaked and growled.

"Vituperation!" Friar Fung gasped. "Can it be? Is this the squirrel boy of the Dark Forest I've been hearing about all these years?"

Raimundo frowned. "What're those weird sounds he's making? I sure hope this isn't squirrel hunting season."

Friar Fung nodded. "Sounds just like a squirrel, it is him." Heavenly music played and he looked up. "And You have brought us together for a reason. You have sent me to bring him into the world of men." He made the cross sign and the music swelled, then faded.

Raimundo took a step back. "He looks hungry, I better run." He stood up, but then sighed and sat back down. "It's no use, I'm too tired. I'll just have to stay and fight like a squirrel!"

Friar Fung held out a handful of peanuts. "Easy, boy, easy. Want some?"

Rai gasped and stuffed all of them into his mouth. He pointed at the friar. "You, I like!"

Friar Fung smiled and approached him. He scratched him behind his head.

"Lower and to the right," Raimundo said.

Friar Fung frowned. "Why does he have the throne tied to his neck? Surely this is not the prince, for he was lost in the Dark Forest years ago and surely perished." He reached back and untied the throne, then stepped back. "Now doesn't that feel better?"

Raimundo stood up. "I feel so . . .light. You wouldn't think a tail would make that much of a difference." He started running around.

Friar Fung caught his arm. "Easy. You are tired. Sit on this throne. We have a long walk ahead of us." He pushed Raimundo into a sitting position.

Rai gasped. "Hey, this is comfortable! All those years of hauling this thing around and _now _they tell me. I fell like . . .I was _born _to sit in this." He straightened up and the light centered on him.

Friar Fung gasped. "He sits in it as if it were in his blood. Could this be . . ." He kneeled. "Your Majesty!"

Raimundo smiled and crossed his legs. He held up a peanut. "More."

The friar nodded. "At once, Your Majesty." He threw some into his lap. Then he stood up. "Your Majesty, we must be going. It'll be dark soon and Jack's men patrol the forest." He gestured to the right.

Raimundo stood. "You want to go, is that it?" He straightened his brown hair and squared his shoulders. "Then let's go. Take me to the world of men."

They walked off, Friar Fung dragging the throne.

The lights went off and came back on to reveal Jack in bed, whimpering.

Omi ran in as Jack sat up and clutched his teddy bear.

"I had the dream again, Omi," Jack said. "The one where Raimundo comes back to reclaim the throne."

Omi sighed. "Raimundo is dead."

"But if he finds out what you did to his mother and sister . . ."

"He is dead."

Jack sighed. "I guess."

"Oh, my lord, the enemy came with the last ransom note for the king. They want one milk cow, two knit shirts, and a wood wagon. I told them it was out of the question."

Jack laughed. "Good."

The lights faded and returned and Chase Young stepped on stage. "Years passed and Friar Fung taught Raimundo everything he needed to know. Only they both knew Raimundo was the prince."

He exited and the lights returned. Friar Fung began entering a courtyard, a line of monks behind him. Finally, Raimundo, last in line, entered dribbling a basket-ball.

Friar Fung stopped. "I believe one of us isn't properly concentrating."

All eyes turned to Rai.

He stopped dribbling. "Who, me?"

They all nodded.

Friar Fung sighed and smiled. "Okay, what the heck. Zone, zone!"

Raimundo passed the ball to Friar Fung. He dribbled through the defense and passed it back. Raimundo shot the ball off stage and they heard glass break.

Friar Fung nodded. "Nice shot. Go on, monks, I wish to speak to Raimundo." They left. "They seem quite taken with the game you've invented."

Raimundo shrugged. "It still needs some work. I was thinking about getting a basket and cutting the bottom out of it. Then we could throw it through the window and save the ball for soccer."

The friar smiled. "You never cease to amaze me. Come, let us sit." They sat on a bench. "These last few years have been a blessing. It will soon be time for you to fight for what is yours. Do you have any questions?"

Raimundo nodded. "Where do babies come from?"

"Watermelon seeds. Anymore questions?"

Raimundo stood, thinking. "What's a woman?"

Friar Fung smiled and rose. "I was wondering when you'd ask me that. What is a woman?"

"I asked you first."

"A woman is . . .fire and fancy, frolic and lace, contradiction and comfort, as splendid and petty, confusing and magnificent as nay creature could be. That is a woman."

Raimundo raised an eyebrow. "Could you be a little more specific?"

"I have taken vows, my son."

"Well, will I know one if I see one?"

Friar Fung laughed. "Oh, yes. They are different from men."

"How?"

"They have little feet."

"That's it? Little feet?" Rai asked. "I was hoping for more."

Friar Fung gasped. "Shame on you. I want you to get on your hands and knees and stay there until brunch." He pointed at the ground. "And stare at that spot."

"I can't help the way I feel. I'm getting to that age, you know."

"Not another word. Get on your hands and knees and concentrate on wholesome things."

Raimundo did.

Friar Fung began to leave when he called. "Remember, this is hurting me more than it's hurting you."

Raimundo sighed. "I doubt that."

Jessie, dressed as a maiden, hurried in with two monks. Raimundo still stared at the floor.

"We'll be spending the night here and we'll watch the joust tomorrow," Jessie said. "Make sure Lady Kimiko's things are unpacked and ironed. I want her to look her best tomorrow because it's rumored Jack's looking for a wife and I'd love to be the handmaiden to the Queen." She hurried off followed by the monks.

Lady Kimiko walked on stage, dressed beautifully. She didn't see Rai as she walked about.

"Such a lovely day," she said. "Too bad I'm angry. My parents want me to marry Jack, but I hate him." She stopped beside Raimundo's head. "Oh, my knee is killing me." She pulled up one side of her dress and rubbed her knee.

The lights dimmed and a spotlight centered on her little feet. Raimundo stared at them.

Kimiko dropped her dress back down as the lights went back to normal. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't notice you. I thought you were a bench."

He still didn't look up. "Are you . . .a woman?"

Kimiko placed a hand on her hip. "Hey, what do you mean by that?"

"Don't be mad. I've never seen a girl before. Friar Fung told me they have small feet . . .and you have small feet."

Kimiko smiled. "Well, stand up and look at me and then decide.

Raimundo slowly stood and looked at her, eyes wide.

"Well?" she smiled.

He made a purring sound.

She laughed. "What do you think?"

"If I told you, I'd be on my hands and knees for at least a month."

She smiled. "What's your name?"

"Raimundo. And yours?"

"Lady Kimiko."

"How long will you be staying here?"

She sighed. "We got to the joust tomorrow and then leave."

He frowned. "You don't seem very excited about it."

"My father has sent me as an offering to the king. Jack wants to marry me."

"Jack!" He shouted angrily.

"I take it you don't like him, either."

"Would you like a man who took your throne, left your father prisoner, sold your mom and sister into slavery and made you live like a squirrel for fourteen years?"

She shrugged. "Probably not."

"Well, neither would I."

Kimiko sighed. "We can't do anything about it. Jack rules with an iron fist. Our only hope would be if Prince Raimundo was still alive. The people would support him."

"You think so?"

"Of course. But there's only twenty people left in town and Jack has two million soldiers."

He took her hand. "M'lady, some things are worth fighting for."

She smiled.

Friar Fung stomped on stage. "That's no lady, that's a cardinal sin! I'm ashamed of you, Raimundo. What do you have to say for yourself?"

He shrugged. "I was just falling in love."

"Me too," she nodded.

"Not in my abbey," Friar Fung snapped. "On your hands and knees until midnight with no supper! Leave him, dear." He began walking off.

Kimiko bent down and whispered, "I'll be back after dark. I'll bring food." She followed Friar Fung.

"I'll count the seconds," Raid said. "One, two, three, four . . ."

**Please review! And if anyone else is interested in taking the quiz I made to see what your wu would be, let me know and I'll give you the first question! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Well, only two chapter left, this one and the next! I'm glad you guys like this so much, I thoroughly enjoyed it when I first read it and knew I had to share it. **

**Xiaolinwind: **That's cool. Yeah, I thought it'd be hilarious, too, but our drama teacher had some kind of a breakdown and we didn't get to perform it. DX We were upset. Thanks for reviewing!

**HealingSpringWaters: **Don't worry, I update weekly! Thanks! And thanks for the review!

**MySpaceSavvy: **Yep, RaiKim chapters are my favorites, too! Thanks for your review!

**Dragon of magic: **I'm glad you like it! 8D Cool, the first question is: Do you lean on others for support, or are you more independent? Thanks for reviewing!

**MooseTracks2020: **Wow, thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it! I love RaiKim moments, too. XD Hooray, now we can be best friends! Thanks for reviewing!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown, this play belongs to **

**Ch. 5**

Soon the lights took on a sunset feel and Kimiko came on.

"Rai? Are you still here?"

He jumped to his feet. "Yes."

"Are you hungry? I brought food."

He took the food. "I'm starving. Mmm. This is good. What is it?"

"Squirrel."

He screamed and dropped the food. "I-I'm not that hungry."

She crossed her arms. "You're just picky."

The food squeaked and began to run offstage.

"Run, run!" Raimundo called. "Your fur will grow back one day!"

"I don't have much time," she said. "Jessie will be expecting me."

"Kimiko, I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last eight thousand four hundred and forty-six seconds. I thought about life, destiny, the tangled web of fate, a little bit about surfing and fudge ripple brownies . . .but mostly I thought about you. I thought about you and me." He took her hand. "I thought about we. I know I have no right to ask you this, but . . ."

She turned away. "No, Rai. Please don't."

"But I have to."

"I know what you want to say, and I know how I want to respond, but don't you see? I leave with the rising of the sun to join Jack. I'm a prisoner. It's for the good of my family. Please don't ask me to marry you, Rai. Please. I beg you not to ask me."

"Okay, I won't ask you."

She crossed her arms, face twisting in a frown. "Why not?"

"'Cause you asked me not to."

She sighed. "You've got a lot to learn about women. A woman doesn't always mean what she says. When I tell you no, I really mean yes."

He raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Does that mean no?"

"No . . .I mean yes. Yes and no." She sighed. "It depends. What I mean is, go ahead and ask me, even though I don't really want you to, which is to say that I really do. Understand?"

"Will you marry me?"

"No."

"Does that mean yes?"

"No. In this case, it means no."

"No?"

"Yes."

He jumped in the air. "Sweet! She said yes!" He kneeled in front of her. "You'll never regret it. I'll give you tons of watermelon seeds and we'll send them to camp in the summer. Oh, this is awesome!"

Kimiko sighed. "Rai, I'm betrothed to a king."

"Right. Me."

"You're not a king."

He shrugged. "I'm working on it."

"There's no way you could marry me. Unless . . ."

"Unless what?"

She turned away. "No, it'd be suicide."

"I'm good at that."

"An ancient law states that any man may challenge the king for a bride on the day of jousting. To do so, he must invoke the challenge. The challenge of The Druid Prom Queen." She shuddered. "The challenger must approach the king and ask him to dance. The king says no."

"Then what?"

"Chaos. And the winner gets . . .me."

"And what does the loser get?"

"Burned . . .or banished to Texas. He gets a choice. Most take a burning."

Raimundo frowned. "So Jack has fought and won before?"

"He cheats."

Jessie ran on stage. "My Lady, what're you doin' out this late? Who's that?"

"Just a thief, Jessie," she responded.

Jessie frowned. "A thief?"

Kimiko took Raimundo's hand. "He must be, because only a thief could've stolen my heart so quickly. And I must be a fool because I didn't want to stop him."

Jessie sighed. "If Jack finds out, he'll tear your heart out by the roots."

"Over my dead body," Rai said.

Jessie nodded. "Probably."

Kimiko sighed. "Leave us for a minute, Jessie."

She walked off, saying, "Don't do anything stupid."

"I already have. I've fallen in love with a stranger."

Raimundo put up his fists. "Who? Where is he? I'll beat his brains."

She laughed and put her arms around him. "Calm down, silly. I meant _you_."

"Oh, good."

She looked up at him. "A kiss would be nice."

"A kiss? How do you do that?"

She smiled. "Close your eyes." He did. "If everything goes right, you'll feel like you've been hit in the head with 200 pounds of stardust."

Friar Fung stomped in with a club and pulled Kimiko away, pushing her off stage. She sadly left.

Raimundo still stood there with his eyes closed. "C'mon, Kimiko, the suspense is killing me."

Friar Fung slammed the club into Rai's head and he fell to the ground. Friar Fung marched off in a huff.

Raimundo shakily stood. "Kim, baby, you got power. Love hurts. Someone get me an aspirin!" He staggered off stage.

The lights rose to reveal an inn where Queen Katnappé was serving tables with Princess Megan.

Megan announced, "We now present the Court Jester, Dojo!"

Dojo crawled on. "Well, I see everyone's here for the big joust tomorrow. Funny thing happened to me on the way over here tonight. A peasant, looked like he hadn't had a bite in days, walks up to me and says, 'How do you get to Carnegie Hall?' So . . . I bit him. Oh, yeah! Don't everybody laugh at once. You know the difference between an elephant and a Druid grandmother? . . .Five pounds."

A knight stood up and drew his sword. "My grandmother's a Druid! I'm going to split you in half!"

Dojo nervously smiled. "Thank you very much, you've been a wonderful audience."

He slithered off as the knight chased him.

Raimundo walked in and sat at a table. Megan went up to wait on him, and gasped once she saw him. She sat down, staggered back to her feet, stared and at him and tried to speak, sat back down and then dropped her head on the table, crying.

"Is something wrong?" Raimundo asked.

Megan looked up. "It's just that . . .you look so much like someone that was very dear to me."

He smiled. "Your long-lost brother, Raimundo?"

"No," she said. "my ex-boyfriend. You look just like him. Except he was taller, and he had brown eyes, and his hair was different, and his mouth was wider and his nose was a little longer, and he had a wider forehead, and his skin was lighter." She leaned closer. "Actually, you don't look anything like him. What's your name?"

"I'm Raimundo, your brother, Katnappé's son, here to take back the throne."

Megan gasped. "If you are him, my brother had a birthmark of a heart on his chest."

Rai stood up and pulled his shirt up so it covered his head but showed his chest. Megan gasped and covered her mouth. A few women whistled.

The princess turned toward Katnappé. "Mom!"

Raimundo, disoriented with his shirt over his head, was wandering around and bumping into things.

Katnappé walked over. "What?"

Megan sighed and yanked Raimundo in front of her. She pointed at the birthmark. "Ring a bell?"

Katnappé gasped. She hugged Rai. "It's my baby boy! Pull down your shirt so Mama can take a look at your face."

Raimundo pulled down his shirt over Katnappé. "Where is she? Where's my mama?"

Megan smiled. "He's beautiful, Mom."

Katnappé gasped. "Can't breathe."

Rai quickly pulled his shirt up over the queen to free her. "It's me, Mama. I'm back to claim the throne."

They all hugged.

Katnappé smiled. "Let's get out of here; Jack's agents are everywhere."

"But Mom, if we leave now, we're fired," Megan frowned.

The queen shrugged. "Who cares?"

They hurried out.

**Don't forget about your quiz questions and please review! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the absence, I've hurt my wrist and had to take a three week break from doing stuff with it. It's healing, but please pray for me to make sure it heals completely. XD **

**Now, I'm being very serious. Open a new tab right now. Go on, do it. Thanks. Now, do a search for Cartoon Network, go on their website, and down at the bottom in tiny print is Contact Us. Click it and send them an email demanding that they bring Xiaolin Showdown back. Since WB is out, they don't want to buy more episodes, but we can change that. XD I'm serious, do it immediately, my fanfic will still be here, and it will take you less than three minutes. I'll wait. **

**Okay, we ready? You guys should be familiar with the petition to bring XS back, well I saw word last week that the people who run it sent it off to someone in Cartoon Network and they told them to send it to the director. They have and are waiting for a response. Exciting, huh? I'm ecstatic! **

**Aquablade: **Thanks for all your reviews! ;)

**Xiaolinwind: **Haha, thanks! And thanks for all of the reviews for this fic!

**HealingSpringWaters: **Sorry it wasn't soon. XD But I didn't plan on being hurt, lol. Thanks for reviewing!

**MooseTracks2020: **Yeah, the yes and no part is my favorite! Your next question is: Are you a hardcore animal lover, or do you like animals but don't obsess over them? Thanks for your reviews!

**Dragon of magic: **Your next question is: When riding a bike do you wear a helmet or not? Thanks for all the reviews!

**MySpaceSavvy: **I'm glad you liked it. 8D Thanks for your reviews!

**Kay Evans: **Thanks for reviewing! XD

**Disclaimer: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown **

**CH. 6**

In the joust the next day, Jack was making a short welcome speech. The audience stands were full of cheering people.

"I want to welcome you all to the 756th annual Royal Field Joust and Barbecue. I will soon call for the festivities to begin, but first a small announcement." He yanked Kimiko to her feet. She punched him in the stomach, twisted his ear, and pouted. "Be it known to all within the realm that your king, Jack Spicer, will soon be wed to this . . .lovely gem-" She bit his hand. "-this fragile figurine-" She stepped on his foot. "-this fragrant flower-" She pulled his hair. "-Lady Kimiko." He raised a flag, a pair of his boxer shorts, and said, "Let the festivities begin!"

Dojo slithered up. "Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the challenger, Clay Bailey! And the defending champ, Tubbimara!"

Tubbimara stomped in. "I am the champ! I am so bad! I'm gonna hit you upside the head and make you wish you was dead."

Clay rolled his eyes. "Oh, just scare me why don't you?"

Dojo said, "Gentlemen, take you places." A bell rang. "The champ rapidly closes the distance between them."

Clay backed up. "Don't hurt me. Don't hurt me."

Tubbimara laughed. "I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm gonna kill you. Stand still and fight like a man."

"The challenger is rapidly running out of running room," Dojo said. "They thrust and parry. The champ is cutting off the ring. Things look bad for Clay . . .and he's given up!"

Clay sighed. "Let's stop. I'm all sweaty and everythin'."

Tubbimara chased Clay off stage.

Jack stood up. "Now, as is the custom, I must signal it's time for the challenge of the Druid Prom Queen, realizing, of course, that there will be no takers because it's well known that I cheat. So, are there any takers?"

Raimundo walked up to him. "I accept the challenge."

Jack crossed his arms. "Spunky. I assume you know the procedure, so let the challenge begin."

Raimundo said, "May I have this dance?"

"No you may not."

Rai stomped on his foot. "Take this."

"You did that on purpose!"

"You bet."

"Foxtrot or Bossa Nova?"

"Foxtrot."

"Wouldn't have it any other way." Jack took a close look at his face. "Can it be?!"

Raimundo nodded. "That's right, Jack. It's Raimundo who'll be dancing with you!"

Kimiko covered her mouth. "He's _prince _Raimundo?"

Katnappé shouted, "Kill the whiner, Rai!"

Raimundo held out his arms. "Shall we dance?"

"To the death," Jack spat.

He took his arms and they started to dance. Omi and Dojo snuck off, whispering. Jack and Raimundo began kicking shins and going at each other's throats.

Rai grinned. "Not very light on your feet, are you, Jack?"

"Light enough to make you wish you had danced with someone else." He pushed Raimundo towards the back curtain.

Omi and Dojo jumped out and started to beat Raimundo with pillows. The crowd booed. Raimundo collapsed and the two villains ran off.

Jack laughed. "And I thought this was suppose to be a contest."

"I . . I don't think I can make it," Rai gasped. "He's not fighting fair."

Suddenly, Mama and Chester squirrel looked out from under the curtain.

"Don't despair," Mama said, "we've come to help you. Get up and fight like a squirrel!"

Raimundo nodded and stood up. "Jack, I believe this dance is mine!"

They started dancing and fighting again. Omi and Dojo ran at Rai, but the squirrels attacked their legs. They were dragged off, screaming.

Jack drew a knife and the crowd screamed. But a squirrel jumped up and yanked it from his hand. Jack fell to the ground.

"Enough!" he said. "I am defeated."

The crowd stood up, cheering.

"I, Raimundo Pedrosa, claim the throne and Lady Kimiko as my bride-to-be."

Kimiko smiled. "You were awesome!"

"Thanks."

Friar Fung entered and walked up to him with a crown. "With this crown, I want you to promise that you will rule wisely, rule justly, rule with integrity . . .and hire me as your Archbishop."

Rai nodded. "It shall be done."

Friar Fung placed the crown on his head. "Long live King Raimundo!"

Raimundo said, "Jack! You and your henchmen are banished forever! As of this moment, slavery is abolished! There will be no more debtors' prisons! And never again will there be pay toilets in the airport!"

Everyone cheered.

Mama called Raimundo over and whispered to him. He nodded and added, "And last but not least, squirrel hunting will not be permitted!" He took Kimiko's hand. "And now we can go to the church. Friar Fung, you have a marriage to perform. And may it last as long as these stone walls!" One cardboard wall fell to the floor. "Or even longer."

**The End**

**First off, thanks to everyone for reviewing! I loved this script and I'm glad all of you did, too. And thanks to everyone who will discover this fanfic a year from now and still care enough to review! **

**For those who have read Fatal Attraction, a link to its website is on my profile. And for those of you doing my wu quiz, I'll continue in my next fanfic, unless you don't want to read it, and if so we'll go through PM's. Don't worry, either way you won't hurt my feelings. XD **

**Speaking of which my next fic is called (drum roll) . . .Once We've Gone. I'll post it later this week. **

**Don't forget about your questions, and please review!**


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